A Bucket List transformation: better list ideas for intentional living
“Stop dreaming about your bucket list and start living it.”
The Bucket List Concept
Do you have a bucket list? I find it hard to imagine, but the earliest mention of the term bucket list seems to only date back to a 2004 book by Patrick Carlisle. So it’s a relatively modern idea.
“So, anyway, a Great Man, in his querulous twilight years, who doesn’t want to go gently into that blacky black night. He wants to cut loose, dance on the razor’s edge, pry the lid off his bucket list!”
But it was the 2007 movie The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson that introduced the term into mainstream vocabulary. If you haven’t yet watched the movie, it’s a feel-good flick! The story follows two men, both dying of terminal cancer, as they complete an epic road trip of things they want to do before they “kick the bucket”. From witnessing something truly majestic to driving a Mustang to getting a tattoo to visiting Stonehenge.
My Bucket List circa 2007
I’ve always been a list maker and my head has always been in a cloud of travel dream list making so despite the billions of dollars that Jack Nicholson’s character had to fulfill his bucket list, the movie inspired me to make one of my own.
A Girl and Her “Bucket List” Scrapbook
Remember that 2007 was in the heyday era of scrapbooking - so I actually scrapbooked my bucket list ideas! Sounds impressive but a scrapbooked bucket list is really just a lot of empty pages! I dug the book out of storage while writing this and am thrilled at how many things I have actually done! I laugh at some of my quirky dreams and heart-felt hopes.
Here is a sampling from my list of 42 items:
Grow the vegetables to make a greek salad
Own my own business - and also to have an international business (!)
Get published
See my children graduate from high school
Fly fish with my husband
Visit a gospel church in the deep south
Visit every continent on Earth
With a critical lens, I acknowledge that my original bucket list ideas are steeped in high expectations, are a tad vague and sort of random! I definitely need to rethink some items. For example, do I really need to visit every continent? What feeling or sense of purpose will that bring me? Maybe it might happen as I pursue other intentional life adventures…but as a thing to accomplish, it's no longer relevant for me.
I also list 8 specific destinations along with visiting every continent on earth! I wonder if this laundry list of destinations was simply an unarticulated interest in having a life infused with travel. I hadn’t taken the time to figure out why I wanted to go any and everywhere.
As a whole, it is an interesting snapshot of what I was focusing on in 2007 and reinforces the importance of context and intention.
The shortcomings of a bucket list
This critical lens was magnified when I came across an article in Psychology Today that, at first, felt like someone wagging their finger with dire health warnings. It is a very glass-half-empty article suggesting that a bucket list will leave you disappointed. The premise is that a bucket list starts with creating lofty goals and when you don’t complete an item - with a heavy suggestion that you won’t - you’ll feel bad. Plus, if you do achieve a goal, the experience probably won’t live up to your expectations, so you’ll feel let down. It’s a lose-lose.
What a dark, depressing, rain cloud perspective!
Yet other travel bloggers have also poked holes in the traditional bucket list concept, and I absolutely resonate with some of their criticisms:
A bucket list makes it seem like travel is a game or some sort of accomplishment that needs to be rushed through instead of enjoyed.
There is a lot we can learn from travel that can’t be put on a list or defined so narrowly. (Alex on the Map)
Something is wrong when the check mark is worth more than the experience itself! And some people are not even fully present when in the process of achieving it. (Two Wandering Soles)
Fitness mindset guru and founder of Impossible Joel Runyon is a bit less critical of bucket lists yet prefers and promotes an alternate perspective. He writes, “I don’t have a problem with bucket lists. They’re probably better than nothing, but the worst part about a bucket list isn’t that it’s just a bucket list, but that it’s just a list. It’s a set of things waiting for you to check off. If you don’t get to them, you fail.” Instead he promotes “a list that helps give narrative to your story. It gives purpose to your actions and it gives context to your journey.”
A list to give:
Narrative to your story
Purpose to your actions
Context to your journey
I like the principles that he applies to list building:
focus on how to live vs. what do before you die
focus on other people vs. on yourself
focus on the journey vs. the destination
focus on meaning vs. accomplishment
focus on action today vs. a dream tomorrow
Taken together, the principles are of aspiration rather than expiration.
My take on the Bucket List
Personally, I think that a “bucket list” done well can achieve the principles listed above. Firmly root such a list in self-knowledge and create goals made with intention to live now and to avoid the pitfalls of a shallow, narrow and disconnected list. A bucket list can be win-win if you approach it with intention, moderation and a little lightheartedness.
But a new name might be in order to avoid slipping into the assumptions and limitations that the term “bucket list” implies. How about one of these?
My Luscious List of Living
My Great List of Life (inspired by my Dad’s Great Book of Life)
My Life’s Wonder Playlist
My Stories Yet Untold
At the moment I’m partial to ingredients to a life well lived. It doesn’t roll off the tongue like Bucket List, but I like the cooking or mixology reference knowing that there is creativity and flexibility involved in making a great dish or drink.
What do you think? What will you call yours? Let’s go with THE LIST for now.
Re-imagining the Bucket List
In all fairness to my 2007 self, I have since learned a great deal about how to make goals more meaningful and actionable. Throughout my career in organizational development, I helped people strategize and build action plans to solve complex challenges. I have learned to abhor plans that gather dust on a shelf or goals that aren’t concrete and doable. I am a proponent of visions, goals and actions that stay flexible and responsive to whatever emerges.
Giving a nod to the roots of the bucket list concept as a list made in the context of dying, let’s be reminded that “growing a Greek salad” may hold less priority in the grand scheme of things. Yet author Bonnie Ware writes about her experiences in palliative care in The Story of Five Regrets, sharing the top 5 deathbed regrets she learned from working in end-of-life care.
I wish I had let myself be happier.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard (re: jobs and money)
I wish I had the courage to be true to myself vs. living to meet other people’s expectations
I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
My challenge is to redraft THE LIST to include experiences that I believe will shape my life in ways that are authentic, courageous, and meaningful and will fill me with positive energy to make it happen.
How to create your own LIST
Get it out of your head and into written form! I know from experience that when I write something down, it often happens!
“If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page.”
- Mark Houlahan
Start with an already FULL BUCKET.
Create a list of goals on a foundation of gratitude for what you already have. Try the following mindful exercise from Shine. “The reverse bucket list is pretty straightforward: Rather than writing down all of the things you hope to one day achieve, you instead write down a list of all the things you’ve already accomplished, things that make you feel proud. It’s the exact opposite of a regular bucket list—and it’s an encouraging exercise.”
Step One: Make a list of meaningful moments and accomplishments that fill your heart.
Step Two: I’d suggest taking it further and use the list to help with self-reflection. Look over the list and write down the FEELINGS that go along with the items on your list.
Your reflection will become a solid foundation as you create THE LIST and breathe in a sense of gratitude and connection to feelings about memorable moments and accomplishments in your life to date.
2. For every idea - ask WHY?
Begin with a brainstorm - remembering that a brainstorm list is a dump of all possibilities (good, bad, crazy, and brilliant). And when you’ve run out of ideas, curate your list by asking why it matters to you?
Social media feeds and influencers lure us into wanting things because of good marketing and persistent algorithms rather than true motivation. Uncovering your unique why will loosen the chains from social expectations and comparisons.
Identify your travel motivations to help shine a light on why you want certain experiences and what the underlying needs you are trying to satisfied. I wrote in-depth about travel motives here, and you can also take the quiz!
By really understanding what makes you tick, your LIST can have depth, direction and be uniquely suited to you.
Read more about travel as TRUE FUN and the positive connection between travel, wellbeing & belonging.
3. Avoid creating something overwhelming.
Some people get very intense about their bucket lists. Annette from The Bucket List Journey blog has 1151 items at the time of writing. A tad overwhelming for some people! Kudos to Annette. Personally, I can’t focus or take action with too much going on. I suggest keeping things manageable by a) staying feeling-focused and b) aiming for a small and manageable list with the potential to evolve.
Here are a few suggestions of list themes that can help with focus. Avoid the urge to include everything!
Seasonal list - eg. Summer
Hometown list
Annual list - (create on your birthday or new years or the summer solstice)
Couple’s list
Comfort Zone Challenge list
List based on motive (Novelty, Connection, Growth, Escape)
4. Follow these tips to refine your LIST with action in mind.
With your ideas flowing and taking shape, use these tips to create a truly extraordinary and actionable list.
Break down the massive experiences into small steps or stages. Eg. Want to run a marathon? You might need to do a 10k first!
Don’t get stuck on how you’re going to make it happen. Count on a combination of strategic direction and openness to serendipity. For example, I want to volunteer internationally. I don’t yet know how, where or why…but it’s on my radar and I’m more attuned to potential opportunities.
Don’t omit something because you are too scared. Never underestimate the power of changing your comfort zone limits. What seems crazy now can soon become in the realm of possibility.
Remember to revisit your reverse bucket list now and again in the process of updating your list over time. Begin every day and every adventure with a full bucket of gratitude
Be open to change. There will be experiences you haven’t even thought of yet and others that no longer feel right. For example, in 2007 solo travel wasn’t on my radar and I had never heard of the Camino de Santiago. It is a new addition that feels absolutely right for me. Riding a donkey in Santorini, on the other hand, is getting cut.
Keep your list out in the open and front of mind. Some people may want to transform it into a visual list like a vision board. I have a colourful visual format on my desktop and my phone as the lock screen. Read how you can create one here!
It’s good to be bold…just remember to have fun with this.
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